Accursed rational brain, and, sandwiches.

“You get your intuition back when you make space for it, when you stop the chattering of the rational mind. The rational mind doesn’t nourish you. You assume that it gives you the truth, because the rational mind is the golden calf that this culture worships, but this is not true. Rationality squeezes out much that is rich and juicy and fascinating.” Anne Lamott.

YES. And, what a high order it has come to be–to make space for intuition, for those feelings in your gut that tell you something’s creepy, or wonderful, or, you know, whatever it is. It’s hard to make decisions, and it’s hard to know what’s right because our brains are glutted with all sorts of daily cloudy shit, and because it’s hard to let go of things, even when your gut tells you you must, to be sane, to be healthy.

I’m learning it is normal to be confused. That’s what the brain does. It challenges the gut, because it must. It turns every instinct we’ve got into an electoral debate. All we can hope sometimes is that that shit doesn’t turn republican.

But, maybe we already know exactly what we should do. Maybe we should live by the wormy cludge (*I’ve just invented this word, I think: let’s define it. Cludge: an amalgam of “sludge” and “clutch,” as in: Before it even came to pass, Rutherford understood the situation would end badly by the cludge in his belly.)  This probably does not work. But, well, I intuitively grasp the meaning of this word, by which I mean–I understand it, viscerally, and so, I shall use it, without worrying what you will think. I shall not allow my life to be dictated by the minds of others! I declare!

Even now, I wonder: should I eat a sandwich from the most delicious sandwich shop in the world? You’d think this would be an easy decision. But, herein lies the endless battle. Does it make sense to walk all that way for a sandwich when I’ve probably got other things I should be working on? Am I truly hungry enough to make indulging in such a sandwich worth it? And, then, if so, what sandwich would I even eat? It’s all just TOO HARD.

I will leave you now, to sit here, and meditate on my decision. To live in the present, is all. Right? To understand what will truly nourish you. To figure out if a sandwich is merely a distraction, or a necessity.

(Okay, let’s not waste any time here. This sandwich thing is definitely happening. Rich, juicy, and fascinating. Yes. It will be all of those things.)


About kateellison

Author, artist, weirdo
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